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I hope that you are all doing well this month. I have lots of news to cover!
Host families who have au pair arrivals in January and February, you will want to reapply as soon as possible if you would like to host another au pair. If you need an application, let me know.
InterExchange has a new promotion going on. Host families who refer a new family to the program will get a $100 credit on next years program fees (after the au pair arrives with the new family).
Last month’s cluster meeting with Officer Mindrup from the Phoenix Police department was very informative. I hope that everyone learned at least one new way to keep themselves safe. Look for more info on this meeting in the newsletter.
Au pairs, you are all required to attend AT LEAST 10 cluster meetings. If you can not attend, YOU MUST LET ME KNOW IN ADVANCE. If you do not attend at least 10 meetings, you will not be able to complete your educational component, which means you may not get your $500 completion bonus at the end of the year.
A note to au pairs… I’ve heard of some problems lately concerning au pairs and their boyfriends. Nobody has a problem with you having a boyfriend, but remember, you first priority is with your host family. If your boyfriend becomes the top priority, than we have a problem. Remember, you are only entitled to one free weekend a month, and if your family needs you to work the other weekends, you must, this is a part of the contract you signed. You are not free to dictate when you will and will not work. If you are not doing your job the best you can and are distracted by your relationship, than often there will be problems between you and the host family, which could result in you changing families or even being sent home. Enjoy your time with your friends and boyfriends, but please always remember, you do have work to do!!!
We have a couple of new au pairs to welcome this month… First, Christiane from Germany arrives September 29th. Next we have Reynata from Poland arrives October 8th. On October 20th, we welcome Laetitia from France. Please see your cluster list for their phone numbers
September Cluster Meeting ~ The Arizona State Fair
The au pairs have always loved the state fair, which is Arizona’s biggest entertainment event. There are lots of rides, games, entertainers, musicians, exhibits and food booths. Tickets for admission cost $7.50. Parking cost $6.50, and I want everyone to carpool. And, as Officer Mindrup told us last month, no matter what you are doing you are always safer in a group. If you are having trouble finding a ride with someone please let me know. I will also be checking with you to find out who will be driving and who will be riding with who, so once you have this figured out, please call or email it to me. YOU MUST BE ON TIME!!! The fairgrounds are located on 19th Avenue, between McDowell and Encanto Blvd. If you need specific directions, please ask your host family to show you on one of your maps. You can visit the website for the Arizona State Fair for more information. Also, if you need a map click here.
November Cluster Meeting ~ Thunderbird Balloon Classic at Westworld
This is a fun event, that past au pairs have really enjoyed. “Already one of the most popular outdoor events in the Valley, the Metris Thunderbird Balloon Classic 2000, has even more hot-air fun planned for the 2000 event. Preparations are already underway for the Metris Thunderbird Balloon Classic 2000, scheduled for November 3-5, 2000, at WestWorld of Scottsdale. In its 26th year, the colorful balloon festival features more than 130 traditional and special shape balloons in three days of ascensions and glows, along with a carnival-like atmosphere. More than 60,000 people are expected to visit the grassy Polo Field during the weekend for two morning lift-offs, two evening glows, children's activities, corporate displays, contests, food and all sorts of fun. Coming off an incredibly successful debut, the Launch Pad social venue will return in 2000 with live musical entertainment on Friday and Saturday nights.” In addition to the hot air balloons and sky divers, there is food, live music, shopping and more, sort of like a big festival. In next month’s newsletter I will let you know where we will be meeting, but pleased be prepared for heavy traffic, as this is a VERY popular event, and give yourself extra time to get there. Tickets are $10 at the event, or you can get them early at Safeway Stores for $8. The Park-N-Ride Shuttle is FREE. The Shuttle departs from the TPC (Tournament Players Club) located on the northeast corner of Greenway/Hayden Parkway and Bell Road. Westworld is at 16601 North Pima Road in Scottsdale. For more info, visit their website.
911 - One thing Officer Mindrup made very clear, is that if you think that you or someone else is in danger, call 911. He said it’s always better to call and be safe, not sorry. If you are ever out and you get scared, see something that makes you uncomfortable, or are with someone who you feel threatened by, call 911 right away. Remember, if you call from a cellular phone, you have to tell them were you are at so that they can come and assist you.
Date Rape Drugs - Officer Mindrup said that there is currently a very large problem with people using the “Date Rape Drug” at parties and nightclubs. Never leave your drink unattended. Never drink from someone else’s glass. Make sure that you know the people you are with. If you are ever in doubt, or think someone might have put something in your drink, tell someone right away.
In The Car - When you are driving, ALWAYS keep the doors on the car locked and windows up. Do not leave things in your car (purse, backpack, shopping bags) because this gives people a reason to break into your car - lock these types of things in the trunk. Always lock your car when you get out. Look in your car before you get into it to make sure that it is empty. If someone “bumps” your car, and you can still drive, drive to the closest lit area (like a Circle K or well lit gas station) and pull over there. If you think someone is following you in your car, once again go to a well lit and public area and call 911. When stopped at a stoplight, leave enough room between you and the next car so that you can make an escape if needed. Do not open your door or roll down the window if someone comes up to your car. Never hitchhike and never pick up a hitchhiker. Put gas in your car before you go out, that way you won’t have to stop when it’s dark and late, or in a strange neighborhood. In parking ramps and especially underground or enclosed parking structures, be especially alert and careful. Do not waste time getting into your car. If you park during daylight hours, think about how the location will look if you need to return when it is dark. Look for well-lit areas when you park your car. Do not park next to areas that could conceal a potential criminal, such as shrubbery, buildings, and dumpsters, etc.
When walking - Always try to walk with a friend, especially at night. Look like you know what you are doing and where you are going, even if you don’t. Hold your head high, look around, stand tall and be aware of everything around you. Walk in well lit areas at night, and avoid short cuts. Be careful at night walking near large bushes where someone could hide. Have your keys ready before you leave the building. Carry your purse close to your body. If you see anything suspicious or if something just doesn't feel right, leave immediately and contact security or the police. At night, leave your office or building in the company of others. Don't leave alone after dark. If possible, have someone from your building security escort you, or call for police assistance. Be wary of strangers, on foot or in cars, asking directions - it's better to be rude than to be in trouble.
At Home - Never open the door to a stranger. Verify the identity of any repairmen. Use the telephone number listed in the phone book, not on their identification. If someone comes to your door asking to use the telephone, make the call yourself. Don't invite them in. Always double check doors at night and lock all windows. Make sure if you open a window, that you lock and close it afterwards. Know which neighbors you can go to in an emergency. DO NOT go outside alone to investigate suspicious noises or activities. Turn on outside lights and call the police. Be sure that all doors and windows are locked.
All the time - Let somebody know your whereabouts or plans if you are going to be out late or not going home. Use caution in conversations with strangers. Avoid giving you name, address, or other personal information. Carry spare change or a phone with you and keep important phone numbers close at hand. Be alert in washrooms, especially those in isolated areas. Check for strangers while you are still near the door. Whenever possible, ask a friend to accompany you. If you plan to drink, plan ahead how you will get home. Do not leave in the company of people with whom you do not feel completely comfortable, or whose behavior may be unpredictable after drinking. If you observe a suspicious person, unusual or possible unlawful behavior notify the Police. You may remain anonymous. Respect your intuition. Don't allow rationality to override your "sixth-sense" - it could protect you from danger. If you are out with your host kids, do not talk to strangers, and if you go to a park or someplace, and see someone who doesn’t look like they belong, LEAVE!
Host Families, please take a few minutes to discuss this topic with your au pair, especially in relation to your kids!
Tempe Parks, Recreation and Libraries
480-350-5287
Ceramics I, Drawing and Sketching, Jewelry Construction, Oil & Acrylic Painting, Watercolor Painting, Self Defense, American Red Cross Community First Aid, Introduction To Microsoft Word, Introduction to the Web, Intermediate Internet Topics, Basic Sign Language, Ethnic Cooking, Spanish Level 1, ESL - English as a Second Language, Intro to Computers, Beginning Computers, Intermediate Computers
Scottsdale Library & Parks and Rec
480-312-7597
Internet 101, Art, Pottery, Photography, Stained Glass, Sewing, Spanish, French
Mesa Parks and Rec
Many different Acting, Music and Jewlery Making Classes, Calligraphy, Drawing and Painting, Sign Language, Spanish, Desert Survival, Photography, Pottery, Printmaking, Papermaking
Glendale Parks and Rec
Photography, Sign Language, Spainsh, Guitar, Jewlery Making, Cake Decorating, Flower Arranging, Pottery, Clay, Painting, Beginning Computers, Internet
Gilbert Parks and Rec
480-898-5665 ext 1802
Offers more than 250 classes for all ages. Classes are offered year round, and usually run for eight weeks at a time. They are held at three locations.
ESL Classes Across The Valley 480-517-8110 or 480-517-8030 The Adult Basic Education program at Rio Salado College provides free instruction in basic skills in English for Speakers of Other Languages to students 16 years of age and older. Classes are offered at sites throughout Maricopa County, and meet during convenient daytime and evening hours. Books and materials are provided for students to use in the classroom. Classes are self-paced. Students register by going to any of the course locations during the time that a class is in session. Instructors work with students to identify their individual learning goals and to develop plans to reach those goals. For more information call (480) 517-8110 or (480) 517-8030. Free classes are funded by the Arizona Department of Education, Adult Education Division.
A favorite event for all children is Halloween. Many children in America go trick or treating and some go to parties with their friends while others attend haunted houses. The kids love dressing up and showing off their costumes and decorating their house. Au pairs, please make sure that you take some time on Halloween night to spend with your host family and the children. This will really help to make you more a part of the family. Before you go out with your friends, spend an hour or so with the kids, help them get dressed up or maybe go to a party with them and the family or join along for some trick or treating. Ask your family what they will be doing, and how you can join in. Families ALWAYS want au pairs to share in these special moments. Unless you are working, you don’t have to spend the entire evening at home, but please spend some of it with the family.
Ghostown at Rawhide
Arizona's Largest Halloween Haunt! Rawhide transforms into a Ghostown; Halloway's Haunted Hotel (expanded), NEW desert haunted trail, Half-pint Haunted Trail, Haywagon & Pumpkin Patch, Devil's Canyon Theater Pyrotechnic Shows, Trick or Treat booths, Spooky Maze, & more! Open nightly from 5-10pm. 23023 N Scottsdale Rd. 480-502-5600. 9/29/00-10/31/00.
Schneph Farms Pumpkin and Chili Party
Come enjoy a real life farm experience, the colorful sights of harvest, the sound of live entertainment, the experience of a hay ride and the outdoor taste of the famous chili and chicken dinner. Four acre corn maze, pig races, melodrama, carousel rides, comedy, juggling and much more. 10am-9pm Thurs., Fri. and Sat., 10am-5pm on Sunday. $6 admission. 24810 Rittenhouse Road in Queen Creek. 480-987-3333. 10/5-10/29.
Second Annual Tempe Tardeada
Celebrate the Second Annual Tempe Tardeada held in honor of local Hispanic heritage. Immerse yourself in culture at this free event, which reflects the early Hispanic community's custom of a Sunday afternoon dance. Tempe's Tardeada enhances tradition by connecting past and present through music, story, exhibits, and activities. People of all ages are invited to join artists, storytellers, and the community for a day of food, family, fun and festivities. Enter the tradition of the Tardeada and participate in the dance! Food will be sold at the event. 11am-8pm. Rural and Southern Roads. 480-350-5100. 10/15/00.
Fiesta Bowl Duck Race at Tempe Town Lake
More than 75,000 rubber ducks will race down the lake for prizes. Proceeds will benefit the Scottsdale Prevention Institute, Bank of America charities and the non-profit Fiesta Bowl. Pre-race activities begin at noon, with the 'big dump' taking place at 2 p.m. $5 donation per duck, free admission. Noon. 602-276-3825. 10/1/00.
Way Out West Oktoberfest
"It's not your ordinary ompah!" The Tempe Sister Cities are hosting the fair, featuring fun, games and, of course, food and music. Proceeds benefit the International Student Exchange Program. Hours: 5 p.m. to midnight Friday; 10 a.m. to midnight; and Sunday 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Free, Fifth Street and Mill Ave., 480-491-FEST, 10/6-10/8
Sedona Arts Festival
The Sedona Arts Festival is a juried exhibition of over 100 professional artists from across the country. It is held at Sedona Red Rock High School, located at the corner of West Highway 89A and Upper Red Rock Loop Road in Sedona, Arizona. The Festival also features continuous entertainment, food booths featuring Sedona's best restaurants, a raffle with fabulous prizes. 10am-5pm, $ 6, 10/14-10/15.
Arizona Fright Nights
Three Attractions…One Location…Endless Screams! Join Us for Nights Filled with Fun, Food and Fright…Open Thursdays through Sundays beginning September 28, 2000 through October 31st. Additional Nights: Monday, October 30th and Tuesday, October 31st. 7-11pm. $8 per person, The Peoria Sports Complex - North West Lot ~ Just 1/4 mile south of Bell Road on 83rd Avenue, the Peoria Sports Complex is easily accessible of the 101 Loop. 623-869-7734.
A great big thank you goes out to the wonderful Brancati Host Family and Au Pair Rossana Garza for hosting our August meeting. Rossana prepared a such a treat for us – a full Mexican meal for us and it was delicious. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I hope that everyone had a nice time visiting, and it was nice getting to meet some of our new au pairs.
October Cluster Meeting ~ We will be going to The Arizona State Fair, which includes lots of rides, games, exhibits, shows, food and more. The cost of admission is $7.50, and rides, games and food do cost extra, so make sure you bring some additional money. I will be giving you more information (a map, where to park and where to meet) in the next newsletter.
After host parents leave in the morning, you should clean up the breakfast dishes, food, etc. Unload the dishwasher from the night before. During the day, straighten the children’s play areas and bedrooms. After preparing the children’s lunch, put everything away and clean up any dishes.
Offer to set the table for dinner, make a salad or start dinner. Many families would be very appreciative if you would help prepare dinner, even if you are not “on duty”.
You should offer to help with the evening kitchen duties, even though they are usually during “off time”. Au pairs should be a part of the team of adult family members sharing the work load. Offer to help, even if you are not asked to. Join in the family conversations.
If a car is provided, make sure that you leave it clean and free of your belongings, and filled with an adequate amount of gas.
Throughout the day, you should always clean up after yourself. Your host family should not have to clean up after you. Host parents have prepared your room to welcome you, and you should show respect for the furnishings and bed linens. Don’t leave food or drinks in your room. Don’t leave the room a mess, and be careful to not damage anything. Do not let your laundry pile up.
The clothing that you wear when you go out with your friends may not be appropriate to wear while on duty. A tee-shirt and shorts or jeans is usually the proper “on duty” attire. Also, topless or nude sunbathing is not common in America, and is not appropriate around your host family‘s home.
Doing more “family” things will help you to fit in better. Remember that you are a part of the family, and all families need to work together. If every au pair would do these things from the start, we would have fewer au pairs saying that they don’t feel like a part of the family.
Families and au pairs come in different shapes and sizes and have different needs. Avoid comparing families and au pairs. Each one offers something different. Babies vs. school aged kids. Old cars vs. new cars. Weekday hours vs. weekend hours. Do all you can for each other and you will have a successful year. Treat each other with respect and understanding.
A great tip for new au pairs and their families from one of our host moms, if your television sets have closed captioning on them, turn this on. This is a great way for au pairs to improve their English skills, and also it will help them get used to the fast pace of conversations.
Current au pairs, please make sure that you reach out to the new au pairs. Call them and invite them to go out with you. You remember what it was like to be the “new au pair”, so please help ease this transition for others.
Well we’ve almost made it through the long hot summer, hopefully not too much longer to go now. Thank you so much to The Anderson Family and Au Pair Tati for opening their beautiful home to us and hosting our Host Family & Au Pair Get-Together. It was great to see everyone, and we had a great turn out. Thanks to all who attended.
This month we say goodbye to Kerstin, Agnes, Carolin, Katy and Bettina. Soon we will also be saying good-bye to Adelheid, Karin, Tina, Vera and Stephanie. We have really enjoyed having each of these au pairs in our cluster and will miss all them. Good luck everyone!
On August 4th, we will welcome Magdalena from Poland, on August 11th we will welcome Christin from Germany and on August 25th we will welcome Julia from Germany. You can find their phone numbers on your cluster list, please make sure to call and welcome each of them.
Wondering what to do with your kids today? Check out a great new website, www.childslife.com for a listing of daily children’s activities, playgroups and fun places to go in the Phoenix area.
August Cluster Meeting ~ We will be discussing the different travel options that au pairs have available to them. If you’ve been on trips that you thought were great, bring some information along with you to share with the other au pairs. Also, bring your photo albums with you so that you can show the other au pairs what you did on your trip. There will be lots of travel brochures and hand outs for you to review.
September Cluster Meeting ~ We will have a guest speaker at this meeting, Officer Mindrup with the Phoenix Police Department. Officer Mindrup will be talking to us about personal safety. Officer Mindrup does work with refugees and is used to speaking with people from different countries. If you have any questions about safety, the laws in Arizona or driving, Officer Mindrup will be a great person to ask.
The term, culture shock, was introduced for the first time in 1958 to describe the anxiety produced when a person moves to a completely new environment. This term expresses the lack of direction, the feeling of not knowing what to do or how to do things in a new environment, and not knowing what is appropriate or inappropriate. The feeling of culture shock generally sets in after the first few weeks of coming to a new place.
We can describe culture shock as the physical and emotional discomfort one suffers when coming to live in another country or a place different from the place of origin. Often, the way that we lived before is not accepted as or considered as normal in the new place. Everything is different, for example, not speaking the language, not knowing how to use banking machines, not knowing how to use the telephone and so forth.
The symptoms of cultural shock can appear at different times. Although, one can experience real pain from culture shock; it is also an opportunity for redefining one's life objectives. It is a great opportunity for leaning and acquiring new perspectives. Culture shock can make one develop a better understanding of oneself and stimulate personal creativity.
Symptoms:
Sadness, loneliness, melancholy
Preoccupation with health
Aches, pains, and allergies
Insomnia, desire to sleep too much or too little
Changes in temperament, depression, feeling vulnerable, feeling powerless
Anger, irritability, resentment, unwillingness to interact with others
Identifying with the old culture or idealizing the old country
Loss of identity
Trying too hard to absorb everything in the new culture or country
Unable to solve simple problems
Lack of confidence
Feelings of inadequacy or insecurity
Developing stereotypes about the new culture
Developing obsessions such as over-cleanliness
Longing for family
Feelings of being lost, overlooked, exploited or abused
How to Fight Culture Shock
The majority of individuals and families that immigrate from other countries have the ability to positively confront the obstacles of a new environment. Some ways to combat stress produced by culture shock are:
Develop a hobby
Don't forget the good things you already have!
Remember, there are always resources that you can use
Be patient, the act of immigrating is a process of adaptation to new situations. It is going to take time
Don't try too hard.
Learn to include a regular form of physical activity in your routine. This will help combat the sadness and loneliness in a constructive manner. Exercise, swim, take an aerobics class, etc.
Relaxation and meditation are proven to be very positive for people who are passing through periods of stress
Maintain contact with your ethnic group. This will give you a feeling of belonging and you will reduce your feelings of loneliness and alienation
Maintain contact with the new culture. Learn the language. Volunteer in community activities that allow you to practice the language that you are learning. This will help you feel less stress about language and useful at the same time.
Allow yourself to feel sad about the things that you have left behind: your family, your friends, etc.
Maintain confidence in yourself. Follow your ambitions and continue your plans for the future.
Pay attention to relationships with your family and friends. They will serve as support for you in difficult times.
Establish simple goals and evaluate your progress.
Find ways to live with the things that don't satisfy you 100%.
Lesson One: Don’t assume sameness. We do it all the time, of course. We have to or it would be hard to function in the world. Nevertheless, when you meet people of different cultures, try to entertain the notion that they might be very different from you. If it turns out that they aren’t, all the better, if it turns out that they are, score one for your side.
Lesson Two: What you think of as normal human behavior may be only cultural. A lot of behavior is universal, of course, and doesn’t differ from country to country, but not all. Before you project your norms onto the human race, consider that you might be wrong.
Lesson Three: Familiar behaviors may have different meanings. The same behavior, saying yes, for example, can exist in different cultures and not mean the same thing. Just because you’ve recognized a given behavior, don’t assume you therefore understood it.
Lesson Four: Don’t assume that what you understood is what was meant. You are obliged to hear what others say through the filter of your own experience. You know what those words normally mean, but whose norms are we following here: yours or the international visitor’s? If they are the foreigner’s, do you know what they are?
Lesson Five: Don’t assume that what you meant is what was understood. You can be sure of what you mean when you say something, but you can’t be sure of how this is understood by someone else. Check for signs that the other person did or did not understand you.
Lesson Six: You don’t have to accept “different” behavior, but you should try to understand where it comes from. You may never get used to some of the things that international visitors do (even as they are occasionally put off by you), but it can’t hurt you to try to figure out why they behave in such “irritating” ways. Once you realize that the reason certain cultures use go-betweens is because they don’t’ want to hurt your feelings, you may not react so strongly to it. In other cases, even when you know the cultural explanation for a certain behavior you still may not like it. Nothing lost in trying.
Lesson Seven: Most people do behave rationally, you just have to discover the rationale. International visitors aren’t acting this way just to get your goat. This is really how they are. They come by their crazy norms the same way you come by your norms: though the process of cultural conditioning. You may not think much of a piece of irritating behavior, but you can’t say that it isn’t legitimate.
I hope that everyone is doing well and enjoying the summer vacations that I’ve been hearing about. Thanks so much to the Rainer Corn Family and au pair Tina Krause for hosting our cluster meeting last month.
Host families please take note that we do have a host family and au pair get together coming up on Sunday, July 9th. If you haven’t already contacted me to RSVP, please do so as soon as possible.
Looking for something to do with your kids? Check out a great new website called Childslife.com for a great listing of daily events in many cities across the US.
We will be discussing different travel options that au pairs have available for them. If you’ve been on trips that you thought were great, bring some information along with you to share with the other au pairs. Also, bring your photo albums with you so that you can show the other au pairs what you did on your trip. There will be lots of travel brochures and hand outs for you to review.
We strongly suggest that families and au pairs have weekly meetings. Think about running your office without staff meetings. Think about never having parent teacher conferences. Think about never balancing your checkbook. Think about never having a quiet meeting with your au pair. These thoughts should help you see why weekly meetings are so valuable to the au pair/host family relationship. The weekly meeting is for making plans and decisions regarding schedules, activities, child care, social events, and to solve problems and compliment on a job well done. Families should view weekly meetings as their most important contact with their child care provider.
Having a set time and day allows family members, au pairs included, to know when they’ll have a time to discuss and possibly change a decision they made or you made and/or get help with a situation they are facing with the children.
Effective meetings include:
*An established meeting time and day. One hour meetings are long enough.
*Having someone take notes of dates of upcoming events. Keep the calendar handy.
*Having all family members old enough to participate join in. Older children’s school schedules, after-school activities and concerns are very important. Plus, they see the au pair as a family member and not just as the babysitter.
*Having time for each person to speak and voice their needs and to express their concerns and gratitude.
*Discussing problems in a calm manner, and addressing problems while they are still minor.
Issues that may be discussed:
*Children’s activities—parents expectations.
*Chores—who is expected to do what and when.
*Telephone usage, bills to be paid, automobile usage and any gas money to be paid (to au pair or family).
*Social activities—desired or planned, any upcoming vacation plans for the au pair or the family.
*Work schedules for the following week.
*Menu planning for the week.
*If there is a holiday coming up, discuss how the family’s routine may change. If guests are coming, discuss how that routine will work.
Weekly meetings provide a forum for not only problem solving, but also for cooperative planning and shared encouragement.
Keeping a molehill a molehill…
When any issue or conflict arises, the host family and au pair need to talk to each other, not just the Local Coordinator (LC):
1. The LC can offer advice on the best way to bring up issues to each other, so either party should feel free to call. But, the responsibility lies with the au pair and host family to initiate discussion and "break the news" about the issues at hand.
2. If the LC is the one who informs either the au pair or host family of the situation, then the trust in the relationship breaks down completely.
3. Au pairs and host families who hold regular weekly meetings have the easiest time resolving issues and the least amount of issues to resolve.
4. Focus on one or two "big issues" instead of a lengthy laundry list of every problem since the beginning.
5. Remember, an initial disclosure of positive elements of the relationship before a discussion of problem areas creates an environment of good will.
Host families, remember that the au pair is at a natural disadvantage during conflict discussions, and please try to stay as flexible and open-minded as possible. In particular:
1. Cultural differences affect approaches to conflict resolution:
·Meeting conflict head on can be very "American" and off putting to an au pair.
·Arguing / negotiating with elders may be culturally inappropriate.
2. Differences of opinion exist as to what is a traditional or non-traditional lifestyle.
3. Being thousands of miles away from home, family and friends may heighten concerns and emotions.
4. Au pairs may assume that the Local Coordinator is on the parents' side.
5. Au pairs must convey thoughts, feelings, anxieties and concerns in a second language, a real disadvantage.
6. Two working parents may have less time / energy.
7. Two parents and one au pair may feel like two against one.
8. Age differences may bring up issues of authority.
Tips for au pairs and host families (from the Seattle King County Dispute Resolution):
1. Talk directly. No notes slipped under the door to each other. No complaining to the spouse.
2. No badmouthing au pair or host parents to the children, friends or neighbors.
3. Choose a good time and a quiet place to talk.
·Au pairs - not after the host family arrives home from work and not on your way out the door.
·Host families - not after an emotional letter or call from the au pairs home, and not right after your au pair has been with the kids all day.
4. Plan ahead. Leave out emotions and theatrics. Discuss issues after emotions have settled, and not after small disputes. Focus on the improvements you want and need. State clearly how the situation is affecting you. Use "I feel…" not "you make me feel…"
5. Don't blame or call names. Use neutral language. Focus on an action or situation, not the person.
6. Listen carefully and thoughtfully. Confirm that you understand what the other person is trying to say, even if you disagree.
I hope that you are all doing well this month. I think that all the au pairs are realizing that we were serious when we said “it get’s hot here”!
On July 9th, we will be having a Host Family and Au Pair Get Together. If host families could please RSVP with my by July 1st, I would appreciate it. Feel free to contact me by email or phone.
Independence Day, in the U.S., an annual holiday commemorating the formal adoption by the Continental Congress of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, in Philadelphia. Although the signing of the Declaration was not completed until August, the Fourth of July holiday has been accepted as the official anniversary of United States independence and is celebrated in all states and territories of the U.S. The holiday was first observed in Philadelphia on July 8, 1776, at which time the Declaration of Independence was read aloud, city bells rang, and bands played. It was not declared a legal holiday , however, until 1941. The Fourth is traditionally celebrated publicly with parades and pageants, patriotic speeches, and organized firing of guns and cannons and displays of fireworks; early in the 20th century public concern for a safe and sane holiday resulted in restrictions on general use of fireworks. Family picnics and outings are a feature of private Fourth of July celebrations.
Here are some great Fourth Of July Links...
In the United States, holidays, birthdays and other special events like these are a time when families come together and celebrate with one another. Often, these are the only times of the year when the entire family gets together. These events are usually some of the most cherished and special moments of the year, because everyone comes together and shares in the day with love and laughter. This is when family pictures are taken, and special memories are made and shared. Au pairs should make a very large effort to take part in these events, even during their ’free time’. Not only is this a way to truly be a member of the family, but it also allows au pairs to learn more about the American culture. Families love it when their au pair shows an interest and takes part in these events, and families are often very disappointed when their au pair does not participate. As part of an American family, au pairs should help prepare for these events, and should also join in and have fun with the rest of the family, even when they are not working.
I hope that this newsletter finds each of you doing well this month. I know that many host families who are scheduled for summer arrivals are anxious to see au pair dossiers. At this time, the New York office is matching for the June arrivals. Hopefully within a few weeks we will start seeing dossiers for the July and August arrivals.
I would like to have an au pair and host family get together in July. This will give us a chance to say good-bye to many of our departing au pairs, get to know some of our new au pairs and will also fulfill the program requirement for families to attend a meeting once per year. If anyone would like to volunteer to host this meeting, please let me know as soon as possible.
Host Families ~ at this months cluster meeting on the 16th, the au pairs and I will be discussing “things to do with your host kids”. If any of you have any ideas, activities or advice you’d like to share, please contact me with it and I'll add it to the meeting.
Au Pairs ~ Remember, this month we will be discussing "things to do with your host kids". Please make sure that you bring along your list of ideas to share at the cluster meeting. There are many great websites to find activity suggestions at, such as The Activity Idea Place, Family.com and Billy Bear's Playground.
For au pairs who have any questions about their year end travel arrangements, please make sure to contact Globe Travel at 1-800-892-9385. They are very helpful, and should be able to answer all of your questions.
Next month's cluster meeting will be a pool party on June 3rd. Please check your newsletter for more information.
Au Pairs receive two weeks paid vacation.
If a host family goes on vacation and requests the au pair accompany them to work, the au pair must do so, and this does not count as part of the au pair’s two week vacation. The family should pay for all travel expenses, and provide the au pair a private room (this can be a separate room within the same hotel suite). The au pair still gets 1 1/2 days off, or the full weekend if it is due. The family should try and provide the au pair with some sort of a schedule, and let the au pair know when her “off duty” time will be. The stipend still needs to be paid, and meals need to be provided for the au pair. Families please keep in mind that the au pair is there working with you, and she will want some time to herself away from the children, just as she does at home.
If the family goes on vacation, and does not need the au pair to work, but invites the au pair to come along for fun, all parties need to be VERY clear as to if this will count as ‘vacation’ time for the au pair, and if so, the au pair will not be working. In this case, the au pair can be asked to pay some travel expenses and can be asked to share a room, or pay for a private room if she wants one. In a situation like this, the au pair should always be given the option of staying home if she would prefer.
If the au pair stays home while the family goes on vacation, the stipend should be paid ahead of time, and sufficient food and supplies should be provided for the au pair. The au pair must be allowed to remain in the house, as it is her home too. The au pair must have access to adequate transportation (if she does not have a car available for her use, than the family would want to leave money for cab fare, or for gas when she rides with other au pairs). Families should be very clear about what house rules apply while they are away.
ENJOY YOUR VACATIONS!!!
Mother’s Day is on Sunday, May 14th. Here are some ideas for thing to do with your host kids to prepare for Mother’s Day. Mom’s love things their children make and they appreciate the little things that you and the children can do to make their lives easier. These ideas won’t cost very much, and older children can help the younger children.
Serve Mom breakfast in bed, and don’t forget to take care of the clean up.
Find a copy of a favorite picture of hers, and paste it into a homemade card.
Make her a coupon book she can cash in for simple chores (you’ll do the dishes for a week, make her bed for a week, fold five loads of laundry, give her a hug, anything else she needs done would be great). Make sure that you are willing to make good on these coupons without complaining!
Buy a small plant and decorate the pot with pictures, paints and stickers.
Make her a special card using construction paper, glitter, paint, stickers, and other items.
Make a great big “Happy Mother’s Day” banner and hang it up for her.
Bake her some cookies or some brownies, or her favorite dessert.
BE CREATIVE AND MAKE SURE TO LEND AN EXTRA HAND ON THIS SPECIAL DAY!
Summer is the time when many au pair say goodbye to their host families and their new friends in the United States. As with all big challenges, it is important to realize that going home again will be an adjustment too. It is important for the au pair to prepare the children for her departure. Children should never be encouraged to believe that the au pair will stay forever. It is important to help the children feel comfortable with the idea that one day the au pair will return home to be with her “mommy” or “daddy”. The au pair should show the children where her country is on a map, and how she celebrates different holidays or special events with her own family. Believe it or not, culture shock also becomes apparent at this time:
Pre-departure Phase—The au pair is truly relaxed and comfortable and has competent language skills, and now begins to feel anxious about saying goodbye to the family and friends. The family also considers the inevitable good bye and the sadness of losing a family member, in addition to anxiety about child care for the children.
Post-departure / Au Pairs Arrival Back in the Home Country - Au pairs may experience reverse culture shock or adjustment as they try to integrate their two worlds. The host family struggles to find a way to keep in contact with the au pair (for both the children and the parents).
This is a time of transition. Both the au pair and the family need a lot of support, and hopefully you’ll be able to give it to each other. In order to do this, you need to stay aware of the following:
Saying goodbye can often be difficult and many times when separation in imminent people pull away from one another to make it easier. Creating this space may take many different forms: sulkiness, withdrawal from the family, displays of anger, poor performance and so on.
The realization that this year long goal has been achieved may leave room for let down, especially if no new goals are developed for the au pair. As a family, you may be entering the new au pair/family relationship with apprehension, a dread of having to go through the orientation and getting acquainted stages all over again after spending a reasonably comfortable year. This will be a time when families will focus again on themselves and au pairs may begin to turn inward too.
At this time, what can help is a lot of TALKING. Tell each other what you’ll miss most after you’ve said goodbye. Some au pairs fear that they will not be missed. Share how you’ve changed or grown during the year. Talk about plans for the future, especially the au pair’s future. Explore and validate each other’s feelings of anxiety, fear, excitement, anticipation, loss, sadness, anger…
Together, you may want to do some of the following: plan a farewell party, prepare one of her/their favorite meals, revisit some of the places that you went in the beginning, take some photos to be exchanged by mail, make little mementos as goodbye presents.
For au pairs, I would like to wish you success in whatever you decide to do next. Below is a list of some “growth areas” identified by others who have spent a year abroad:
*I speak a foreign language *I know more about another culture *I’m more willing to try new things *I understand the values and lifestyles of my home community better *I am more responsible *I can see my own problems in a broader, more realistic context *I am more confident when meeting new people *I am willing to accept other people’s way of doing things *I am willing to face problems and try to solve them *I understand my own strengths and weaknesses *I am able to ask for help from others.
Remember to be patient with yourself and with others. It takes time to adjust to big changes, and even going home is a big change!
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Christi Johnstone
602-765-2826
1-800-AU-PAIRS
161 Sixth Ave
New York, NY 10013 USA
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